


The Tesseract's a What?

by BlackFalcon1800



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Crack, Humor, idk I actually still think this is funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 06:51:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18148532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackFalcon1800/pseuds/BlackFalcon1800
Summary: After the battle of New York there are still many questions as to what the Tesseract is, and where it came from. Maybe the consultants Fury called in can help answer these questions.(Originally written:) 01/09/2015





	The Tesseract's a What?

**Author's Note:**

> I still stand by this fic, it's funny

It had been a few months since the battle of new york, and damage control was still cleaning and rebuilding everything. (Seriously, those poor guys have to clean up every stinking mess that super heroes/villains make!) And the entire incident was almost forgotten by most people. But not Director Fury, he was still wondering what the Tesseract was. After all, something so powerful and destructive should be kept under control. But how could he do that if he didn't know what it was, where it came from, or how it was made. Was it even a man made thing? He tried to think of any way he could get these answers.

Then he suddenly remembered some beings he had met on a mission in Nevada. There just might be a chance that they had heard of the Tesseract. He needed all the help he could get at this point.

"Get me Agent William Fowler on the phone. NOW!" he hollered at an agent, who scurried away as fast as he could.

After calling Fowler and arranging a meeting, he called Stark Tower and told Thor (Who fortunately was staying there at the time.) to bring the Tesseract back from Asgard. Which of course made the Avengers curious, and curious super heroes are hard to ignore or keep quiet, so he had to 'invite' them too. He wouldn't tell them anything more than 'I have a meeting with some consultants who might be able to tell us something about the Tesseract.'

"Who on earth could know anything about an alien power source?" scoffed Tony. "What did you do, call some aliens from another planet?"

"In a way." stated Fury. That only made the team even more curious than before.

After Thor returned from Asgard with the Tesseract they started out for the meeting place, which turned out to be an old S.H.I.E.L.D. hanger.

They all stood in the middle of the old building. Everything was dirty and looked like it hadn't been used in years, so it was the perfect place to meet experts on alien technology. Right?

"They should be here any minute." stated the director.

They didn't have to wait long, for a couple minutes later a giant green swirling portal appeared in front of them. For a few seconds nothing happened, then out from the vortex drove a red and blue semi truck and an orange and white ambulance. After they had driven out of the vortex it closed behind them.

"Those are your consultants? A trucker and a paramedic?" said Hawkeye who looked at Fury like he had just said he liked 'My Little Pony'.

"The consultants don't own the cars." said Fury calmly.

Suddenly they all heard the sounds of metal against metal, gears shifting, and mechanical whirs, as the two vehicles before them transformed into giant robots!

"They are the cars." Fury said, still as calm as before.

The team stared at the two metal titans before them. (Some with gaping mouths.) The semi was now a ginormous red and blue robot with a large chest, shoulders, feet, and hands, contrasting his slim hips and small head. (At least small in proportion to the rest of him.) He had the face of a leader, stern and commanding, but with an air of kindness and wisdom too.

The ambulance had transformed into a shorter orange and white robot. He was heavier set and didn't have such contrasting proportions as the other. His face showed a grumpy disposition, it looked like he was probably very good and very serious with his work.

Tony and Bruce were awestruck, staring at the complex mechanisms that they could see beneath the armor, wondering at the fact that they could transform into something so small compared to them.

Thor had never in all the nine realms seen something like this. The closest thing was The Destroyer, but that was far smaller and much simpler compared to this. These were truly magnificent creatures.

Steve didn't know what to think, every time he thought he'd seen it all something else surprised him, so he wasn't even going to try and comprehend these beings.

Clint and Natasha didn't show their surprise as much, but you could tell they were amazed. If you squinted.

Fury decided to get things moving. "These are Autobots, from the planet Cybertron. This is their leader Optimus Prime."

The red and blue titan nodded it's head to the team.

"And their medic Ratchet."

The orange and white one nodded stiffly to them.

"We don't have time for questions or chit chat, (Shut up Stark,) so let's get this over with. What can you tell us about this?"

He opened the case containing the cube that had caused so much trouble and death, and held it up for them to see.

The robot he called 'Ratchet' picked up the blue cube and held it up to his eye. (Or as they learned later, was called an 'optic'.) Then he scanned it with a scanner he had on his arm.

"Hmm, I have not seen one of these in a long time." He said after awhile.

"One of!? You mean there's more than one of these out there!?" Fury practically shouted.

"Not anymore, these were a luxury back before the war."

"What?" No one knew what he was talking about.

"You see, this is what you humans would call a breath mint."

Incredulous stares.

"This is an energon breath mint." Ratchet repeated. And to everyone's shock, popped it in his mouth and bit down on it.

"Ow!" The medic yelped and grabbed his jaw.

"Are you alright Ratchet?" Optimus asked in concern.

"Yes, I'll be fine. But this isn't a breath mint, it's a very spicy, very stale jawbreaker."

Since it was so small he swallowed it.

An awkward silence followed.

"Since we can be of no further help to you director, we'll be on our way."

He pressed a finger to his ear where presumably a com link was.

"Bumblebee, requesting ground bridge."

The same vortex from before appeared, and the two titans walked through the 'ground bridge' as he had called it, and after they had disappeared from sight it closed without a trace.

"Well that was weird." said a bewildered Tony.

"At least that's one less threat I have to worry about." Fury said as he closed the case the 'jawbreaker' had been in and headed toward the Quinjet.

The other Avengers, still wondering what had just happened, followed.

"What and I going to tell father?" Thor sighed as he followed his team.

So the Tesseract was gone for good, Ratchet's teeth hadn't broken, the Avengers learned of a new alien species, and Fury had a lot of paperwork to do.

So the moral of this story is: Don't eat stale candy, you could cause Fury to get paperwork.


End file.
